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ramblings, rants & reflections

what is dark in me :: illumine ::

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self-absorption

race ain’t no thang

i grew up searching for insights into my personality, mindset and future by taking magazine quizzes. you know, those ones that ask you questions like:

what is your ideal friday night?

a) where my girls at? jell-o shots!

b) curling up in my favorite easy chair with a good book

c) hanging with my guy at a local eatery

d) working

after answering nine or more questions just like this, you find out if you’re a pretzel, breadstick, cinnabon, or churro. and your life is forever changed with this revelation.

fast forward to 2017 and the era of endless online quizzes that cull your social media profiles for information and also bestow mind-blowing divinations regarding who you were in your past life or what hairstyle you could tooooootally rock — as if you didn’t know.

so when i saw the quiz that analyzed my face, features, and skin color (i mean, how much more scientific can you get?) to reveal my nationality, i clicked faster than you can say “internet trolling.” in my defense, i’ve only been TOLD i am korean. no one has actually analyzed my face to confirm.

imagine my surprise when, after an eternity of watching those blue dots chase each other in a circle, this was returned:


At least Colombians still serve rice as their main meal carb, right? Maybe I’m related to Sofia Vergara after all. Now, I can walk with my true people who are allowed to be painfully averagely-good at math.

…. But really though, Colombian?  COLOMBIAN?

2016: the year of many steps

new years cause me to inhale slowly and exhale nostalgia; then panic sets in because what did i really do last year and what i am really doing this year and can it already be (insert whatever year it actually is) and is it time to die already.

yesterday was the lunar new year, and i experienced the same feelings of reflection and endless possibilities — followed by chest-tightening fear that life is not a game anymore: i don’t care enough to keep score, so my chances of winning expired long ago. spectators have moved on to younger, more hopeful prospects and people who value currency in the form of human spawn. what are my experiences, really, but a just another lap around a deserted board game with dusty dice and tipped over sand timer?

this morning over genmai cha, i reviewed my scribbly notes from a mary kay event yesterday. the dichotomy of my state of mind splayed before me: how can my heart swirl in sunrises while my hands routinely claw out my grave in cold ground? i cannot continue with my misalignment and expect to succeed in 2017. affirmations of united mind, heart, and actions are my goal in the coming year, as i acknowledge that 2016 was an exploratory year for me; i reached new milestones in my identity.

2016 was an inside job. before i welcome a new year, let me share a few tidbits from the last 365+ days to appease the sentimentalist in me.

 walla walla in winter


watching hawaiian dancers on the beach in oxnard, california


jon exclaiming “i have heard 10 different languages tonight!” while walking down the las vegas strip


being told i can have the year of my dreams at mary kay seminar in dallas … but realizing it could all end with an uber ride gone wrong


cheering for red in seattle


that time my heart grew five sizes too big


exploring swan falls


determining that, you guys, my makeup is ON FLEEK thanks to mary kay


and loving my family more than i would ever, ever admit to them.


to 2017: the year i start winning.

x,

a.

andrea 2.0

welcome, dear reader.

thank you for finding me and allowing me to share my thoughts with you. since we last spoke, so many things have changed; but the fundamental need to express myself creatively has remained painfully the same. i find myself mentally composing, reader, almost constantly — and i’ve decided it must be time to write again, as my mind’s steady monologue narrates my observations and reflections relentlessly these days. for a while, words failed me so i took and posted photographs to tell my story.

but my heart tells me this is where i need to be. here: writing to you.

my goal is not to persuade you, or impress you, or change you. my purpose is to share my experiences and reflections in hopes that you might recognize a similar thread in your own life or thoughts — what it means to be human is connecting with others — and, ideally, provoke you to look inward and project your findings creatively in your own way. maybe you’ll start a blog too and we can entertain and delight readers together. maybe you’ll start to notice how morning sun sparkles through teary dew-drops on blades of grass in the fall; maybe you’ll smile to yourself when you see a quiet, active-minded girl seated apart from the crowd, her eyes searching and observing and reaping her surroundings for inspiration; maybe you’ll find yourself appreciating beauty all around you — you just have to look for it.

firstpostselfie

to a new adventure,

a.

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